As many of you know I routinely speak of my Local Controller³ in my columns. Periodically I attribute quotes to her as well as various facial expressions, spontaneous utterances and more than a few grumbles and mumbles. Personally, I think most of what I’ve written has been worthy of a chuckle or two. Or as she might say, and this is an actual LC quote: “Audience of one.” To be fair, however, my wife’s an amazing human being. She’s incredibly creative, a great mom and a true and worthy friend. In fact, she’s my best friend. As a United States Congressman once told me upon meeting her for the first time: “Son you’ve outpunted your coverage!” Yep, I sure did.

In my last column I spoke about a family visit and spending time with a 7-year-old. Eye opening for sure and, as always, I attributed a variety of comments to LC that may have been somewhat exaggerated. Ok, really exaggerated. Fine, not true at all. Even the LC in Training⁴ noted that I may have been a little over the top in my attributions. Thus, a mea culpa to the Local Controller and the Littler General. Of course, they know it’s all in good fun and that I love them immensely. So that I don’t get in trouble with the boys, Colin and Franz, you two rock and I love you very much! Mother Hayes, I love you, too. And of course, the pets. I love them and their shedding ways. Oh boy, I almost forgot to mention the Pittsburgh family and, now that I’m thinking about it, the Hot Springs family. I fear this could go on forever! Time for a segue.

Intellectually I felt sure that there were many songs regarding apologies, a.k.a. mea culpas. Not surprisingly, Billboard has a list⁵ of the 25 best songs to say “sorry.” I love music and have an enormous collection on my Apple account. I had several hundred CDs back in the day, and yes, back in the day before back in the day I had cassettes. I’m a child of the ’60s and ’70s, so let the age jokes commence. I definitely had loads of albums. Vinyl albums, not picture albums. Now that I think about it, I had loads of picture albums as well, but I digress. When I looked at the list I had not heard a great many of the songs or the artists. Here are a few of the top 25 in no particular order:

Like everybody else in this world I know who John Lennon is, but it took me a moment to remember his song “Jealous Guy.” It is number 1 on the Billboard list.

Because the Local Controller in Training loves Justin Bieber, I will include his song, creatively titled “Sorry.” I know who he is but I don’t know the song or really any of his music. That will not surprise the Littler General although it may irk her a bit.

At number 20 is The Decemberists’ “Apology Song.” Unlike many other songs on the list, it’s not about romance. It’s asking for forgiveness for losing his friend’s bicycle. I’m not making that up.

No song list today would be complete without mentioning mega popstar Taylor Swift. Coming in at number 10 is “Back to December.” In typical TS fashion the song concerns a former boyfriend. However, this song has a little twist in that she did not treat the boyfriend well. Or as she says, she was “really careless with him.”

The previously referenced Elton John song, “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word,” comes in at number 4 on the list. The lyric “what have I got to do to make you care” is gut wrenching from my perspective. With that said, however, I’m a hopeless romantic! I’m pretty sure LC was thinking to herself, yep you sure are now move along.⁶ ⁷

Going hand in glove with saying you’re sorry is the act of forgiveness. Given my love for movies, I cranked up the Google machine to see if there was a similar list of movies with the central theme being forgiveness. Lo and behold I found such a list on one of my go-to movie websites, IMDb. Not being one to stop with a single list, I also checked Rotten Tomatoes, where I found a list of movies about forgiveness or at least where forgiveness plays a part in the plot. Oddly enough, none of the movies on either list appears on the other list. Here’s a sampling from both:

Mass: A story about the parents of the victims and the perpetrator of a mass shooting coming together and talking about the incident and their grief. It stars Jason Isaacs and Martha Plimpton.

Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy: Obviously this is a much lighter story than Mass. It’s the final chapter of the series and its central theme is moving on after the devastating loss of a loved one. In a sense it’s about forgiving oneself. Starring Renee Zellweger, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Leo Woodall.

I Can Only Imagine: This is one that I’ve never heard of. It’s billed as the inspiring and previously unknown true story behind MercyMe’s⁸ chart topping song. It reminds us of the power of true forgiveness. It stars John Michael Finley, Madeline Carroll and Dennis Quaid.

All About Eve: This classic film starring Bette Davis and Anne Baxter is widely considered one of the best films ever produced. While it is not directly about forgiveness, it depicts deceit and envy within the film world of Hollywood. Essentially, Eve is absolutely about climbing the ladder of stardom and not caring about the people she hurts in the process. Margo is the character who takes the brunt of Eve’s terrible behavior but finds redemption and her own forgiveness by leaving the sordid world of filmmaking.

About Time: Another movie regarding appreciating life and accepting loss with a bit of forgiveness thrown in. Essentially this is a romantic comedy with a twist about time travel. It stars Domhnall Gleason, Rachel McAdams and Bill Nighy.

Forgiveness is a trait that ensures a complete and non-bitter person. At least that’s how I see it. The times in my life when I’ve had to say I’m sorry, and there are plenty, made for better learning experiences when the person on the other end of the apology forgave me. I’ve done my best to forgive those who have hurt me or my family because I have felt better by doing so. Carrying a grudge can only cause anger and bitterness, and those are not things that I wish to be burdened with. I don’t mean to sound simplistic or overly dramatic. Forgiveness for me allows the completion of an emotional loop, and with it I gain some form of closure. While⁹ growing up, my parents—Mother Hayes and Father Hayes—made very clear to me and my brother two concepts that I live by today: responsibility and accountability. If you want a good laugh, ask Colin Hayes how many times I used those two words before the start of a weekend while he was a teenager. For that matter ask Franz and Bliss as well.¹⁰ Unfortunately, that advice occasionally fell on deaf ears. To be fair they were teenagers and, as one of the instructors at Catholic High¹¹ said, “If a teenage boy’s lips are moving, he’s lying.” It has taken me a great deal of time to fully understand the importance and power of forgiveness. I believe it goes hand in hand with responsibility and accountability. Now is probably time to move to the point of the column. At least I believe LC thinks that.

I don’t think this will come as a surprise to anybody reading this, but we are living in tumultuous times. Very tumultuous. Name calling and side taking seems to be the norm rather than civil discourse and the exchange of ideas. Meaningful debate has always been one of the greatest attributes of the United States. Through those intellectual discussions we reason with each other and come to conclusions that bode well for the long term.

By the time you read this you’ll be well into the budgeting season, and that of course means detailed and constructive conversations about where your city or town is headed financially. At the local governmental level, it is expected that the job gets done without a lot of drama, wasted energy, wasted time or wasted money. The residents of your city or town want each of you to put forth your best effort to make that city or town the best possible community it can be. When the tumult of the outside world crashes into your council meetings, public work is no longer being done. Rather, noise and distraction take over. Inevitably, tempers flare and the municipal mission is forgotten. That’s simply not an option in your world. Spigots still must produce water. Police officers and firefighters must respond to emergencies. Potholes must be patched. Streets must be paved. City Hall must be open and functional. Would you have it any other way?

Finally, I wonder if we all couldn’t use a little breather. Hopefully by taking a step back we can become more objective and better listeners. Your constituents deserve nothing less. Let’s start with common ground, namely making your municipality a better place to live. I can’t think of a single person who wouldn’t agree with that simple statement. Hopefully those same people would also agree that none of us are right all the time. Let’s acknowledge our humanity and our imperfections. By doing so we become more approachable and better leaders. I know that each of you strives for that every day. If mea culpas and forgiveness are owed, then let’s hold out that olive branch.¹² At the end of the day, we all want the same thing, and that’s to live in a place that is secure, engaging and pleasant.

Until next month, peace.

Mark Hayes
Executive Director
Arkansas Municipal League

1
According to Merriam-Webster, “mea culpa” means a formal acknowledgment of personal fault or error. Moreover, it comes from a Latin prayer of confession meaning “through my fault.” Sort of like the first paragraph of this column!
2
Sir Elton John and Bernie Taupin created this song for the album Blue Moves. I think it’s the most underrated album John ever produced and it’s one of my favorites. armuni.org/48uHQR3
3
a.k.a.: LC/My Boss/The Little General/Alison
4
a.k.a.: The Daughter/Nug/Our Boss/The Littler General/Bliss
5
armuni.org/4nVY36k
6
I’m about a month out from having rotator cuff surgery on my left shoulder so I’m not typing this, I’m dictating it via the microphone found in Word. Every time I say LC the name Elsie pops up, and she isn’t sure if it’s humorous or offensive.
7
Elsie was a real cow. She was a Jersey heifer selected to participate in the Borden Dairy’s 1939 New York World’s Fair “Rotolactor” exhibit. Again, I’m not making that up. The Rotolactor was an invention by the Borden company and it was part of a Rotary Milking Parlor. The Local Controller would prefer that I stop talking about the Rotolactor but I’m not going to. The Rotolactor was a rotating platform used to milk cows. It held 50 cows and could produce 26,000 quarts of milk. armuni.org/3KHYfaQ
8
MercyMe is an American contemporary Christian music band from Oklahoma. armuni.org/3W1FhhP
9
I originally used the word “whilst” but the Little General said that was too erudite. As a side note the word erudite was not in my spelling wheelhouse. Thankfully Word found the proper spelling.
10
As a side note, being an attorney and a parent has allowed for more than a few comical exchanges with my children. At least I found them humorous. I’m not so sure the kids did. One of my all-time favorites would be to listen intently to their story, grievance or excuse and then say in my most lawyerly of tones, interesting but irrelevant. There’s nothing more satisfying than watching teenagers squirm while being cross examined. Good times!
11
Franz, Colin and Wells all graduated from Catholic High School in Little Rock. The Nug is a proud graduate of Central High School. Both schools are excellent!
12
I do love an idiom. This particular idiom has its origins in ancient Greek and Roman times and the biblical story of Noah found in Genesis 8:11. armuni.org/4nF0nyF