Stress is a natural and unavoidable part of our lives. In some cases, it serves a beneficial purpose, triggering our bodily systems to perform at their best during challenging or dangerous situations. However, when stress becomes too frequent or too overwhelming, it can place a heavy burden on our mental and physical health.

We all feel pressure to find the perfect balance between our work and family lives, between our day-to-day obligations and the activities that truly bring us joy. And when we fall short or face challenges in life, we’re all too quick to label ourselves as failures. That’s why I’d like to talk about ways to manage our stress—and be a little kinder to ourselves along the way.

EFFECTS ON HEALTH

Stress is unpleasant on its own, but it can have much more significant effects in the long term, leading to psychological problems such as anxiety and depression. People who struggle to cope with their stress may be vulnerable to self-defeating habits such as substance or alcohol misuse.

While the mental and emotional effects of stress are easily felt, the physical toll might be less noticeable at first. Stress responses kick the nervous system into overdrive, straining the body in ways that add up over time. Chronic stress can increase your risk of developing serious medical conditions such as hypertension, diabetes and strokes.

MANAGING STRESS

We all have different methods for managing stress, but what’s most important is that we don’t rely too heavily on ways that have unintended consequences, especially those that involve avoidance. If checking out for a moment by scrolling your phone gives you a moment to refresh, then go for it. But if that’s the only strategy you have in your toolbox, eventually you’ll find that it can cause more problems than it solves.

Fortunately, most of the activities that bring you joy, meaning or a sense of connection can also help mitigate the long-term effects of stress. Consider regularly giving yourself time to decompress in ways that enhance your life as well as reduce your stress, whether that involves evening walks in nature, hobbies or quality time with friends and family.

GO EASY ON YOURSELF

Many of the typical recommendations for managing stress—what I’ve listed above, as well as the old familiars like getting plenty of sleep, enjoying a healthful diet and exercising regularly—are easy to bring to mind. However, making these a consistent part of your life sounds simpler than it is.

As we navigate our busy schedules, it’s easy to fall back into prioritizing productivity over well-being. At times, this can become its own form of stress, causing us to beat ourselves up over our lack of self-care. Have you ever heard your inner voice saying something like: “If you would just meditate regularly and get back to the gym, you wouldn’t feel this way”? You’re not alone.

I want to propose that we take a gentler approach to stress, one in which we treat ourselves with grace instead of condemnation. There’s nothing out of the ordinary in falling back on old habits—that’s just human. But scolding yourself into compliance isn’t sustainable, and the side effects are not worth it.

Over the past few years, I’ve learned to talk to myself in ways that have made an enormous difference in my life. Whereas my mind used to default to some version of “You’re doing it wrong!” whenever I made a mistake, it’s now accompanied by another, kinder voice that says: “This is hard. Everyone feels this way sometimes. You can be kind to yourself in this moment.”

These words may sound hokey—they certainly did when I first said them. But they haven’t made me lazy or given me permission to give up. Instead, they have given me a nurturing companion as I work to manage my stress more effectively. If you want to give it a try, just think of what the most benevolent and loving person in your life might say to you in a moment of hardship and go from there.